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Busy Day After All Nashville Area Grandfathers Die

All of Nashville erupted into activity on Monday following the inexplicable death of all Nashville-area grandfathers on Sunday. In addition to the expected church visits and funeral arrangements, people were also spotted embracing former enemies, eloping with longtime live-in partners, frolicking with their children in parks, phoning friends they hadn’t spoken to in years, holding their eyes open wide so as to avoid blinking, and signing up en masse for skydiving lessons. This sudden citywide outbreak of productive optimism is believed to be related to something the grandfathers said while on their deathbeds, though the exact nature of those comments is unknown. The situation prompted local news personality Pat Parker to speculate: “It appears that the kindly advice offered by these grandfathers in their final moments has become like a new life philosophy for those left behind. Nashville is a writer’s town, so don’t be surprised if what’s happening here today makes it into a song or two!” At press time, every songwriter in Nashville was hunched over a notepad, scribbling furiously.

Concept by Farce the Music

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6 Comments

  1. It’s my understanding that they all died of cancer.

  2. Someone spotted a truckload of heart-strings on I-40 bound for Nashville earlier today.

  3. What is up with all this black humor around here? As a right wing zealot awaiting to be called before John Conyer’s “Truth and Reconciliation Committee” I can relate though…

  4. What are all of the songs that were referenced in the second sentence? I recognized Don’t Blink and Live Like You Were Dying, but none of the other ones.

  5. Those were the only two songs referenced specifically, Matt. The rest is just generic ‘seize the day’ type stuff, which I’m sure has shown up in song somewhere… but I didn’t have anything in particular in mind.

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